Wheel of Yusuke
by Trojan Snail
Summary: Welcome to Wheel of Yusuke, the game show where the points don't matter, the evil villian speaks in past tense, and your host is suffering from the Super-Exclamation-Mark disease. Contestants are Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, Kurama, and Botan.
1. Past Tense Botan and all her Glory

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Welcome to the Yu Yu Hakusho game show, "Wheel of Yusuke". Let it be known that "Wheel of Yusuke" does not involve a wheel, as its more well-known companion does. But we have a better host than that unnamed wheel-spinning show, so nyah!  
  
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Disclaimers: Believe me when I say that if I owned Yu Yu Hakusho, I wouldn't be writing this. I'd be out basking in the glory of all things YYH, which I'm not doing. Therefore, I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
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"I'm your adorably cute host Koenma, Prince of the Reikai, and welcome to--- " the audience joined in, "WHEEL OF YUSUKE!"  
  
"Ahem," Koenma continued. "As I was saying, welcome to Wheel of Yusuke, the show that ran out of ideas and had to rip off of some unnamed wheel- spinning show that I'm sure you're familiar with, therefore there is no reason in me wasting my breath telling you the rules."  
  
Koenma turned to the five contestants (yes, five). See, we didn't ENTIRELY rip off some unnamed wheel-spinning show. We're slightly originally here.  
  
"For the sole purpose of including as many characters as possible without getting too monotonous, we have five contestants." Koenma stood up on his little podium and pointed dramatically to the players. "From left to right, we have Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, Kurama, and... Botan?! What are you doing here?!"  
  
"Eh heh heh... " Botan turned into a cat and pawed the air innocently. "I figured I'd take a little vacation from all that dead-people stuff. Didn't think I'd find YOU hosting a game show, sir... "  
  
"Neither did I... " Koenma muttered. From behind the camera, George the Oni pointed frantically to a cue card that read "Start the show".  
  
Hiei "hn"ed and began to wonder why he was here, and why he was seated next to the most idiotic ningen in the ningenkai. Kuwabara, as if on cue, started grinning like a fool and waving to the camera. Hiei rolled his pretty red eyes.  
  
"The categories," Koenma said, pointedly to interrupt Kuwabara's stupidity (yah, like THAT would ever happen), "are listed on the board, as all of you except the fanfic readers can see."  
  
Yes, yes, I am quite aware that the unnamed wheel-spinning show does not have categories, and that you are actually supposed to guess the word and all that crap... but who said we were following THOSE rules??  
  
"Yusuke," Koenma said, turning to the aforementioned, "since you were randomly selected before the show and since the show is named after you for reasons unknown, you will be selecting the first category. Alright, hurry it up, Yusuke... Yusuke?"  
  
Yusuke was busy writing something on the pad in front of him. He looked up as the screen on the front of his podium changed from the "Wheel of Yusuke" logo to, in Yusuke's handwriting, "WASUUUUUUUUUP?!"  
  
"Eh... " Koenma's lip twitched. "You're not supposed to write on those until the final round... "  
  
"'Things That Rhyme with Orange' for 200, Koenma!!" Yusuke said, tapping his buzzer on each syllable.  
  
Irritated, Koenma read: "Answer: A rare spotted bird found in the small European country of The Republic of Squeedily-Spooch."  
  
A buzz sounded from Botan's general area.  
  
"BORANGE!" she shouted happily. "Because 'B' stands for 'Botan'."  
  
Koenma looked down at the card. Then back to Botan. Then he looked at the card again and blinked. "Strangely enough... that's correct. Uh, but you didn't answer in the form of a question so I must deduct twenty-two thousand points."  
  
"What!!" Botan leaned over and looked at her -22,000 point score. "Since when is a 200 yen question worth 22,000 points?!"  
  
"Ya know, I really don't care," Koenma said, throwing the answer card over his shoulder.  
  
"This game is fixed!!" Botan ran over and screamed into the camera. "FIXED!!!" With that, she stormed off the stage. The others watched her go and then resumed the game as if nothing had happened.  
  
"Okay, Yusuke, since no one answered the question correctly, Inari save us all, you get to choose again."  
  
"Uh yeah, Koenma, I'll take 'Weird Fetishes' for 100 yen."  
  
"What a screwed up category... " Koenma said under his breath before reading aloud, "Answer: Kurama's weird fetish."  
  
Yusuke, for reasons unknown, was the first to buzz in, and he answered in a confident voice, "What are short fire demons?"  
  
Kurama coughed and turned his head away and Hiei growled.  
  
"Well, the death glare I'm getting from Hiei pretty much means that your answer is correct." Koenma wondered why Yusuke would know about Kurama's weird fetishes. He pushed aside the thoughts that would later give him nightmares.  
  
Yusuke watched his screen change to "-1000".  
  
"Hey wait, I got that one right... "  
  
"Moving on!!" Koenma looked back to Yusuke. "This game is becoming one- sided since Yusuke has been choosing all the categories, so to spice it up we'll let Hiei choose a category."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"That's not a category, Hiei."  
  
Hiei's death glare informed Koenma that is was.  
  
"Okay then!!" Koenma said, smiling nervously. "Hiei's chosen 'Hn' for... oh, let's say 100."  
  
George the Oni quickly handed Koenma a card marked "Hn" from offstage, which Koenma read aloud.  
  
"Answer: An antisocial onomatopoeia word."  
  
Hiei buzzed in.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Uhhh," Koenma started, afraid to tell Hiei he was wrong. "Well, you see, Hiei, you're supposed to answer in the form of a question---"  
  
From behind the camera, George the Oni sliced a finger across his neck dramatically and feigned dieing. Koenma took the hint.  
  
"Right you are, Hiei!!" Koenma answered with a fake grin.  
  
Hiei "hn"ed when his screen showed his score---which was suspiciously higher than it should have been.  
  
"Onto our next question---"  
  
Koenma was suddenly interrupted when the recording studio's doors burst open to reveal---not a bird, not a plane, but... you guessed it... the person behind the door... was none other than... the super-obvious... plot- twisting... always-entertaining... PAST-TENSE BOTAN!! [1]  
  
"Botan??" Koenma asked, his jaw dropping open at the sight.  
  
Botan, or rather Past-Tense Botan, was done up in a Western-comics-style female superhero costume, complete with a tight-fitting leotard (which was the same color as her pink kimono) and random shiny things. She had on some way-out-there sort of headpiece that looked far too heavy for her to hold up.  
  
"That was PAST-TENSE BOTAN!" replied Botan, striking a battle pose.  
  
"Was?" blinked Koenma, looking around. "What happened to her?"  
  
"Moron," Hiei said. It was the first word he had said besides "Hn", which actually isn't a word at all but rather an antisocial onomatopoeia... thing.  
  
"What?" Koenma looked very confused. "What did I miss?"  
  
"Her name is PAST-TENSE Botan," Kurama informed his game show host. "Therefore, I'm assuming that she only speaks in---"  
  
"Yeah, we've all got it now, Kurama," Yusuke said, just because he hadn't said anything in awhile.  
  
Kurama looked slightly put out that he hadn't gotten to inform the world of his extreme intelligence, but the feeling cleared quickly since Kurama isn't that selfish, nor does he stray too long on one thing, much like I am doing now by running this sentence on for fifty words. (Go ahead, count'em)  
  
"You were correct!!" Past-Tense Botan proclaimed at the top of her lungs. Behind her, a sound-amplifying microphone fell to the ground from the loudness of it all. "I, for reasons that were unknown, only spoke in past- tense!! Plus, I liked to use exclamation marks, too!!"  
  
Kuwabara had a blank expression on his face. "But why would anyone speak in only past-tense? What good would come of it?"  
  
Past-Tense Botan hit Kuwabara over the head with an exclamation mark much like this one only bigger!  
  
"Ow! Hey, watch it! That thing has sharp corners!!" Kuwabara rubbed his injured head. We can only hope that this traumatic experience has not left our dear friend Kuwabara with fewer brain cells than he had when he came onto Wheel of Yusuke.  
  
Koenma leaned his elbow on his podium and rested his chin in his palm. "Can we please get on with the show?" he asked in an irritated voice.  
  
"Never!" Past-Tense Botan shouted. "I was here to stop this fixed show from ever got finished! Yes, that's right, I said got finished!"  
  
"Someone needs to work on their grammar... " muttered the Reikai prince.  
  
"Hey," said Botan, breaking character but still keeping with the past-tense spirit, "I was doing the best I could under these conditions. It wasn't easy for me to spoke like that."  
  
Very subtly, Kurama's beautiful green eye twitched at all the deplorable grammar Botan had managed to stuff into those few sentences.  
  
"So... " Koenma began, dragging out "so" unnecessarily long, "You're not going to let us get back to the show?"  
  
"Never!" Past-Tense Botan replied, followed by an evil cackle.  
  
"... Whatever." Koenma turned back to the four sane contestants. "It seems I've forgotten whose turn it is, and frankly, my dears, I don't give a damn, so we'll just assume that---OW!!"  
  
Past-Tense Botan had whipped out Super-Exclamation-Mark and clobbered poor Koenma-sama over the head with it, leaving quite a nasty bump. She raised the weapon over her head, preparing for her next blow.  
  
"NOOOOO!" yelled George the Oni, jumping from his place behind the camera and diving between Botan and Koenma, ready to take the blow for his ruler. However, his timing was misjudged and he landed far too early for his outburst to really matter. Past-Tense Botan's Super-Exclamation-Mark came down and bopped Koenma on the head lightly. Botan giggled and ran away.  
  
A set of make-up artists rushed onto the set and fixed up Koenma's make-up, then exited and the show started up again. Koenma looked into the camera.  
  
"As I was saying, I have no clue where we left except now I am remembering that Hiei was very far in the lead. Yes, in fact, he is currently so far in the lead that it will be hard to catch up to him BUT seeing how the points don't matter, it might not be that hard after all. That's right, the points don't matter, just like the show that used to come on after Yu Yu Hakusho."  
  
Several Rurouni Kenshin fans in the audience booed.  
  
"Since the only two contestants who haven't yet selected a category are Kurama and Kuwabara, we'll let Kurama go first. His voice is more soothing." Koenma stood up on the podium and twirled around.  
  
"Uhhhh... " came the response from everyone else in the room.  
  
"Sir?" asked George cautiously, who had long since resumed his position behind---you guessed it---the camera. When Koenma turned to him with big, shining eyes, George gulped and said, "That bump must have affected your head!! Are you alright, sir?"  
  
"Couldn't feel better!" Koenma replied, once again turning to the contestants. "Go on, Ku-baby, chose a category!"  
  
Kuwabara could have sworn that he heard Hiei growl from next to him.  
  
Kurama, strangely enough, seemed unaffected by Koenma's suggestively-yaoi actions. Perhaps it was because he was so used to it from his adoring fanchildren? [2]  
  
"I'll take 'Ow, That Pains' for... er, oh, I dunno, surprise me."  
  
"Sure thing, you sweet hunk of---"  
  
George the Oni coughed pointedly, trying to get Koenma back on track.  
  
"Hm? Oh, right then... " If anything, the game show host sounded disappointed. "Right then," he repeated, glancing at the Wheel of Yusuke card. "Answer: A rare state of semi-consciousness where the inflicted has the sudden urge to jump a member of the same gender."  
  
Everyone present shifted nervously in their seats and looked to Kurama, who once again seemed not to notice. Maybe he was just pretending not to notice. Or maybe he was just a bit dense today... Or maybe I should stop musing on Kurama's sanity and get on with the show...  
  
There came a buzzer sound from the empty podium to Kurama's left, the one previously occupied by Botan, back when she spoke in the proper tense.  
  
Koenma blinked once. "Um... yes, Empty Podium?"  
  
Past-Tense Botan popped up from behind the podium with a loud "ta-da!" and her arms stretched out above her head victoriously as if she had actually accomplished something by scaring the living daylights out of everyone.  
  
Everyone (excepting, of course, Kurama and Hiei, who are always ready for the unexpected) let out a short scream of surprise, and then they all stopped at the exact same time. This might seem odd to you, the reader, but YOU can't see the light-up sign that had changed from "Applause" to "Scream" when Past-Tense Botan appeared.  
  
Past-Tense Botan finally answered the question that was posed several paragraphs ago. "What were... PAST-TENSE BOTAN'S SUPER-EXCLAMATION-MARK YAOI-CRAZED-FANCHILDREN DISEASE?!"  
  
In an equally hyper voice, which looked particularly peculiar coming from the pacifiered (haha, that's not a word) mouth of Koenma, the Reikai ruler returned, "WHY YES PAST-TENSE BOTAN, IT APPEARS THAT YOU ARE CORRECT!!"  
  
"WEEHOO!"  
  
"NOW LET'S AWARD YOU POINTS!!"  
  
"YESSSS... SWEET POINTS ARE AT LAST FINALLY AFTER LONG WAIT MINE!"  
  
"Can we STOP THE SCREAMING?!" came the deep, sensual (did I say that?) voice of Hiei. It was the longest sentence he had ever strung together while on Wheel of Yusuke. Several audience members clapped, but were silenced when the kokuryuha [3] burnt them to crisps.  
  
"Tut, tut, tut," scolded Koenma. "Burning audience members to a crisp... " His big brown eyes lit up. "Naughty Hiei."  
  
Hiei's eyebrows rose, disappearing under the white cloth covering his Jagan.  
  
From behind the camera came the fierce whisper of "Commercial!!!"  
  
Koenma looked seriously into the camera. "We'll continue our lovely parodized (that's not a word either) game of Wheel of Yusuke after we bore you to death with these paid sponsors who are keeping me in a job."  
  
An image of Koenma pouncing on a certain fire demon's podium was quickly cut off as the picture turned to static.  
  
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[1] - Past-Tense Botan was inspired when I misquoted Botan's line of "Bingo, bingo, you win the prize!" to say "Bingo, bingo, you've won the prize!" when, actually, Yusuke had never really won anything from Botan before that moment. I am forever scarred.  
  
[2] - Fanchildren: they're not fangirls, and they're not fanboys... they are a horrible combination of both. And man, are they horrible.  
  
[3] - For those of you who don't know, the kokuryuha is Hiei's Dragon of the Darkness Flame, also know as the Black Dragon, or the Black Dragon Technique. I've seen it spelled many different ways but (to my knowledge) kokuryuha is the shortest, and I'm the laziest, so there you go.  
  
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That's the first chapter! Oh yes, did I forget to put a "yaoi" warning up? Silly me.  
  
If you made it to the end of this story, then you obviously didn't cringe at the sight of it, so please review and make me a happy author. 


	2. Super Exclamation Mark Disease

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You're back! HALLO! Seeing how I actually got quite a few reviews on the first chapter, I decided to continue the fic! But be warned: there will be some YAOI in this chapter (as if there wasn't any in the first... ), so if you don't like that sort of thing, DON'T GO COMPLAINING TO ME ABOUT IT! We 'kay? We 'kay.  
  
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Disclaimers: Aha... ha... ha. I own Yu Yu Hakusho. Yes I do. That's why I'm writing a fanfic about it. Just to make all of you jealous. BWAHA!!  
  
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WAIT!!! Don't start reading yet!! I gotta say something!! :  
  
Thank you, ARROW, for your suggestion! It was a damn good one! And I will use it! BWAHAHA! Now read.  
  
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"Are your feet really ugly?"  
  
"Uh hu."  
  
"So ugly this dog would eat them?"  
  
"Uh hu."  
  
"Then you need... THE SOCK." [1]  
  
Several terribly unneeded commercials later, the Wheel of Yusuke logo appeared back on the television screen that you're not actually watching accompanied by the Wheel of Yusuke theme song that is so annoying it has actually sent viewers to asylums screaming for it to stop.  
  
Back at the studio, Koenma was still trying to get Hiei, but the little fire demon was putting up a very good fight against it. When the "On Air" sign lit up, George the Oni gave a yelp and quickly stuck a "Please Stand By" sign (actually just a cue card he had scribbled on the back of) in front of the camera.  
  
"Koenma, sir!!" George whispered loudly from behind the camera. "KOENMA!!!"  
  
Koenma's head poked up from behind the podium. His hat and the hair underneath it were very disheveled and he was grinning widely.  
  
"Sir, we're on the air!!"  
  
Koenma shrugged in a nonchalant way and was about to duck behind the podium again when---  
  
"KOKURYUHA!!"  
  
---Hiei unleashed the Black Dragon. Koenma stumbled backwards, narrowly missing being obliterated, and the audience shrieked in terror and trampled each other to get out of the way.  
  
"Someone save my dingo!" yelled a woman frantically, pointing to a pair of trousers that had been painted maroon.  
  
Eventually, after much uproar and panic, the Dragon crashed through the studio wall and was gone (for now). Koenma, still a bit dazed from the whole ordeal, had come out with only a slightly charred hat. "GAH!" he screamed. "MY HAT IS SLIGHTLY CHARRED!!!"  
  
Immediately, seven (yes, seven) make-up artists rushed on set and replaced the slightly charred hat with a brand new hat that looked exactly like the old one except not slightly charred in the least bit.  
  
"Why thank you, make-up art---" Koenma stopped abruptly when he caught a look at the make-up artists. "Wait a minute... you seven make-up artists look awfully familiar... "  
  
"No we don't," said one of the seven.  
  
"You lie!" said another.  
  
"IT'S SUZAKU!" screamed Yusuke, completely losing his head.  
  
"No we're not!" said a make-up artist with shifty eyes.  
  
"BWAHAHAHA!" said one who hadn't spoken yet. The other six hit him.  
  
"We're just your friendly neighborhood Suzak---erm, make-up artists."  
  
Koenma eyed them suspiciously with a look of suspiciousness in his suspicious brown eye, but then smiled happily and shook the hand of the nearest make-up artist.  
  
"They seem cheery enough!" the young prince told whoever was listening to him.  
  
The seven make-up artists said, "Excellent" and pressed the tips of their fingers together in a Mr. Burns fashion.  
  
Yusuke, his mouth hanging open, was pointing at the make-up artists with a look of utter disbelief on his face.  
  
SUDDENLY, before the plot could get too far off from the whole "Wheel of Yusuke" thing we've got going, Hiei's long-since-forgotten (or not) Black Dragon shot back through the hole it had made in the wall, swallowed up the seven "make-up artists", and exited through a different spot on the wall, leaving another gaping hole the size of a... of a... Black Dragon.  
  
It was then that George realized the "Please Stand By" sign was still covering the camera and therefore more and more viewers were starting to drift away from their show. George took off the cue card with a sweatdrop. "And we're on!!"  
  
"Hello, good, lovely, caring viewers," Koenma said in a voice that sounded almost normal but definitely WASN'T since he was still suffering from the SUPER-EXCLAMATION-MARK YAOI-CRAZED-FANCHILDREN DISEASE inflicted on him by Past-Tense Botan. "Welcome back to our show, Wheel of Yusuke. We encourage you to stay tuned to keep our ratings up---and for your own entertainment, of course. Please direct your undying attention towards our contestants. I'm not quite sure which of them is winning... but let's just say Hiei, since he's the cutest and the most murderous."  
  
Hiei glared at Koenma so evilly that a couple of fanchildren's knees gave away and they fainted in pure bliss. Kurama was looking at Hiei fondly, while Kuwabara was... um, kind of just standing there, and Past-Tense Botan was dancing around and trying to touch her nose at the same time. All that you could see of Yusuke was the top of his head and his eyes, which were darting around nervously, no doubt looking for any more ex-enemies of his that were pretending to be make-up artists.  
  
"Hiei, since the authoress is running out of ideas to further delay the start of our next round, I'm going to ask you to choose a category---"  
  
BUT WAIT! Using Arrow's idea, the authoress... GOT AN IDEA!  
  
"Excuse me, Koenma sir," came a very, very, very soft, tiny, small, quiet voice.  
  
Everyone in the studio (excluding, of course, Kurama and Hiei, because... because) began to look around wildly for the source of the meek (oooo, another adjective!) voice. After a few minutes consisting of lots of confused whispers and head-snapping-whiplash-sounds, Hiei grew angry at the sheer stupidity of everyone.  
  
"Oh for Inari's sake, she's standing in the doorway!"  
  
There was a collective "Ooooh" from the group as they turned their attention to the large, obvious doorway that was wide open and letting in a draft.  
  
"Hello," said Yukina the Ice Maiden with a small wave and a friendly smile. [2]  
  
"Hello," said everyone besides Hiei (even Kurama, since he's friendly too).  
  
There was a brief silence as everyone looked at Yukina, then she remembered that she had interrupted the continuation of Wheel of Yusuke for a reason besides the fact that DAMN was it fun.  
  
"I... I was just wondering if Kazuma was here," said Yukina, and when Kuwabara started waving his arms around and yelling she held up a pair of pink boxers with kitties on them and said, "You left these in my room at Master Genkai's temple, Kazuma."  
  
The color drained from Kuwabara's face. Kurama held a hand to his mouth delicately to stifle his chuckles, but the hand was soon used to restrain Hiei from killing Kuwabara right there on live television (live television... ).  
  
"Hiei, no!!"  
  
Yukina blinked twice. 'What's wrong with Hiei?' she thought. 'Perhaps Kazuma cheated on him?'  
  
"Order, order!" yelled Koenma, slamming a tiny fist onto his podium. "Oooww... "  
  
The pink boxers had long since been snatched by Kuwabara, but instead of leaving, Yukina settled herself between her brother and her admirer. Hiei was still shooting horrible death glares across Yukina to Kuwa, but he seemed much calmer now that he had been bound and gagged and probably tranquilized.  
  
Koenma finished wrapping his slightly bruised hand in bandages and turned, once again, to the panel of contestants. What he took notice of, however, only further prevented the start of the game. His eyes grew big: Hiei... bound and gagged... The SUPER-EXCLAMATION-MARK YAOI-CRAZED-FANCHILDREN DISEASE kicked in and the Reikai prince found himself drooling.  
  
Hiei suddenly felt a hungry pair of bright eyes staring at him. Bright GREEN eyes. And then he noticed that Koenma was looking at him too. He let out a series of muffled mutterings that, had there not been a gag in his mouth, would have said, "Stupid fox. Stupid Reikai prince."  
  
A peach flew across the stage from behind the camera and hit Koenma in the head, thus bringing him temporarily out of his stupor. He started and looked around suspiciously, but only saw George the Oni avoiding eye contact and whistling quite innocently while casually kicking a stack full of peaches out of view. Baffled over who had hit him, Koenma ahem-ed and FINALLY returned to his game show hosting duties.  
  
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAS BOTAN!" yelled Past-Tense Botan, who actually hadn't had a line yet in this chapter, and who normally won't shut up.  
  
"And I'm your host, Koenma, reminding you that the choices you make today help to shape your world tomorrow." There was a communal cringe as some members of the studio audience remembered their own Middle-School-Guidance- Counselors-Touchy-Feely Days. There was a second cringe as the Middle- School-Attendees remembered that they'd soon have to go BACK to their own Middle-School-Guidance-Counselors-Touchy-Feely Days. Ah, summer. HEY I LOST MY CHIP!!! Oh, there it is.  
  
... Ah, summer.  
  
Er... what was I doing?? STUPID CHIP!! You made me lose my train of thought! Right, then.  
  
"Seeing how Hiei is---" Drool, drool. "---currently bound and gagged and therefore incapable of selecting our next category, we'll move on to Past- Tense Botan."  
  
Past-Tense Botan was idly twiddling her thumbs and staring directly into a blinding light fixture.  
  
"Past-Tense Botan?" Pause. "PAST-TENSE BOTAN!!!"  
  
"Wha... ?" She rubbed her eyes and blinked several times. "Woah... spots... "  
  
"Kindly choose a category, you disgusting member of the opposite gender." Koenma said, taking out a nail file and randomly filing his nails even though he doesn't have any nails. "... AHH!! MY SKIN!!"  
  
"I had chosen 'Who's a Muckluck?' [3] for 1,023," said Past-Tense Botan, her eyes crossed.  
  
Koenma applied a band-aid to his freshly-filed fingertip (always avoid alliteration, ya wild kid, ya!) before responding to Past-Tense Botan. "Since 1,023 is not a valid amount of points, we're just going to go with 509." Koenma read the card marked "509." "It's multiple choice. Who is a Muckluck? A) Koenma B) Lord Koenma C) Koenma-Sama D) That freaky-looking baboon that hangs around outside of the studio and waits to pounce George the Oni every day after filming."  
  
Outside the studio, a baboon lit up a cigar and leaned back against the outside wall.  
  
Back inside the studio, the panel of contestants were thinking hard (or hardly thinking) about the pressing question. Hiei, who had been fighting against the restraining bonds, now gave up with a muffled sigh. Kurama, who could have easily answered the question, was a bit too busy teasing Hiei to really care about the Wheel of Yusuke anymore.  
  
Kuwabara was giggling insanely at Yukina, who hadn't noticed him and was instead looking at Hiei and wondering if all that repressed anger would someday turn him into a horrible green monster named the Hulk. Hm... maybe she would make a comic out of that some day.  
  
Past-Tense Botan was muttering to herself and every once in a while she would hit her head and mutter, "Quiet, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q- tip." [3] She was deep in thought over this completely perplexing inquiry.  
  
Yusuke, however, was SO utterly distracted from reality as he thought about what the answer could POSSIBLY BE, that he leaned forward onto his podium and accidentally rested his elbow on the buzzer.  
  
"Yes, Yusuke?" Koenma said in what sounded like a tired voice, but definitely WASN'T because he was still contaminated by the SUPER- EXCLAMATION-MARK YAOI-CRAZED-FANCHILDREN DISEASE, courtesy of Past-Tense Botan, thank you very much.  
  
"Huh?!" said Yusuke, looking around and wondering who was calling him.  
  
"You buzzed in," Koenma said flatly.  
  
"That's not fair! I wasn't ready!"  
  
"*YOU* HIT THE BUZZER, MORON!"  
  
"Injustice!! I---what?"  
  
Koenma pushed a large button that created a loud "YOU'RE WRONG" song to echo throughout the studio. "Whoops, sorry, you ran out of time. Guess we'll have to deduct points."  
  
"But I don't have any---"  
  
"SILENCE FOOL!"  
  
Everyone got very silent, even Kurama, who was purring to Hiei seductively. You just don't mess with a two-foot toddler who needs Aspirin. Or Extra- Strength Tylenol or something.  
  
Or Advil Liquid-Gel. Mmmmm... Liquid-Gel...  
  
Suddenly a fanchild in the audience stood up and shouted, "I LOVE YOU, KOENMA!"  
  
Koenma took out a gun and shot her.  
  
"Now, if we could PLEASE just resume the game show---"  
  
But the fates hated Koenma that day, and the studio doors once more burst open. Everyone (gosh, people are dying off so quickly, aren't they?) snapped their heads in the direction of the interrupter, but didn't see anything. And YES, reader, they WERE looking in the right spot this time. You can't fool fools twice in a row. It just doesn't work like that.  
  
"GASP!" yelled another fanchild. "There's, like, TOTALLY no one there!!"  
  
The people in the studio who weren't Kurama or Hiei became very fearful. After all, doors don't just open by themselves. This is stated in Newton's first law of physics---OH MY GOD NOT SCIENCE CLASS NOOOOO.  
  
Koenma cleared his throat to get the audience's attention. "OBVIOUSLY, there is no one there, so if we could start up the second round of Wheel of Yusuke, that'd be good, yah." He took his place behind his podium (not like he had ever left his place behind his podium) and said to the contestants, "Would anyone ELSE like to guess at the multiple choice question?? Anyone? Anyone at all??"  
  
Yukina, in her fright, had moved VERY close to Kuwabara, and therefore neither of their minds were really on the task at hand. Hiei was fuming behind his gag and Kurama was pretty damn preoccupied in holding Hiei closer to him and farther away from Kuwa.  
  
Yusuke had once again become very paranoid. He kept thinking that an ex- enemy had entered through the doorway when the doors opened. He was muttering things like, "Toguro... you'll never get me, Toguro... NEVER! BWAHAHA!"  
  
In fact, Past-Tense Botan was the only panelist who was actually pondering the question, so you KNOW it was pointless to even continue.  
  
Suddenly, a voice filled the studio even though it spoke in what sounded like a hiss.  
  
"Kurama... "  
  
Kurama jumped and looked around, wide-eyed. That voice... it couldn't be... it WASN'T...  
  
It was. Out of the shadows where he had blended in perfectly with his mostly black outfit stepped a very familiar favorite character of mine. Those who knew the man gasped and pointed and sputtered and choked and a few of the fanchildren swooned. Kurama gasped.  
  
"KARASU!!!!!!!"  
  
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I couldn't resist!! I LOVE KARASUUUUU!!!!  
  
[1] - Ah... that was a commercial for the Posey R'ODonald show that my friend Alanna and I filmed years ago. Why it showed up in my fanfic, I don't know.  
  
[2] - Did I mention that the wonderful idea of Yukina entering into Wheel of Yusuke was suggested by Arrow?? I take no credit for the idea.  
  
[3] - THE SIMPSOOOOONS! Both of these (yes, if you'll notice there are TWO bracket-thingies labeled "3") are quotes from The Simpsons, which is super good. Krusty the Klown: It's not about dirty words. It's about words that SOUND dirty, like Muckluck.  
  
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Thank you for reading Wheel of Yusuke. Please wait until the chapter comes to a complete stop and then exit to your left and review the fanfic. Enjoy the rest of your stay and remember the choices you make today help to shape your world tomorrow.  
  
... AHHHH!!! GUIDANCE COUNSELOR-NESS!!! 


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